My 2-and-a-half year old daughter fell instantly in love with my newborn son. After months of declaring, "Me no share cars with boy!" the moment she set eyes on him, she accepted him in to our family. Introducing the new baby to our toddler was easy. I will never forget the moment.
I was watching the mandatory "shaken baby" video in the hospital when they told me my husband and daughter had arrived. I literally ran from the room (much to the surprise of the two c-section moms who witnessed it!) to spot my daughter with her face pressed up against my son's clear plastic bassinet. She paused from gazing at her brother to look at me.
"Your baby?" she asked.
Before I could reply, she asked, "My baby?"
Then, her voice got even higher pitched as she declared, "OUR baby!"
No problems here. It wasn't until her brother began to crawl and steal her toys that sibling rivalry began.
Nonetheless, like many moms, I was concerned about introducing a newborn baby to a toddler. Here are some tips I picked up along the way.
1. Keep the first meeting private, with no other visitors. - Jill DeLuca, a teacher from Long Island, NY, had two preschool age sons when she gave birth to a third son. "I made sure other family wasn't around when my two oldest were there so they could bond with the baby without a ton of visitors."
Melissa Mazzarella of Holbrook, NY, agrees, "We took our two older boys in first to see the baby before anyone else had a chance. They loved having a private meal in the hospital room with the new baby, as it was an adventure."
2. Use analogies your toddler understands. - If you have pets at home, explain that the new baby is helpless and needs to be treated very gently, like your dog or cat.
3. At the hospital, let your toddler touch and hug the baby as much as he or she wants. - Hospital staff might cringe, but your kids will be sharing toys, food and germs very soon, anyway. If your toddler has an interest in their new sibling, let them show affection openly.
4. Make your toddler feel important. - Empower your toddler by giving him or her big brother or big sister jobs like helping to open presents for the baby or handing you diapers and wipes. The novelty may wear off and your toddler may not want to help all the time -- that's okay, too.
5. Let your older child play Mommy or Daddy, too. - When she was expecting her third son, Mazzarella gave her two older boys dolls to pretend to pamper and feed. Preparation is key. Mazzarella read books on welcoming a new baby and prepared her sons for the day by explaining that the new baby would be here "soon." Experts say that since preschoolers don't have a good concept of time, you can wait until the second or third trimester to tell them about the baby.
6. Bring an activity to keep your toddler busy in the hospital. - Toddlers and preschoolers have short attention spans and while everyone else might enjoy fawning over the baby for hours, young children want to move on to the next activity quickly. We didn't think to bring toys to the hospital, but we used the wifi connection to find "Wow, Wow Wubbzy" episodes, which kept my daughter from running up and down the maternity ward halls.
7. Bring a gift from the new baby to your first child. - Jill DeLuca was one step ahead of me, and did bring toys to keep the older siblings busy. Better yet, she had her oldest children pick out toys to bring as a gift to the baby, and then the baby gave them a gift, too. "To this day, my oldest still talks about the presents his little brothers gave him."
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